In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

Sheri has recently shifted over to night shifts...which means I am alone three nights a week.

And while this fact has brought some interesting truths to light (I have not actually evolved all that much from college bachelorhood, apparently...left to my own devices, my nights are fairly boring, and generally involve unhealthy food and a grungy appearance I somehow manage to avoid whenever Sheri is around...oh, and I talk to myself more...) it has also afforded me the opportunity to reflect on some realities I would not otherwise have considere...

Also I lose more sleep. My hours become much more irregular...in part because I am the only one who cares if I am awake...but also because there's nobody to hold at night...and, as sentimental as it sounds (and I know it does, but I don't care) I don't sleep well when Sheri's not in bed. I'm not a cuddler...but having her there lets me sleep in peace. She's my security blanket...on her side of the bed. Because I really am NOT a cuddler.

Our dog gets the brunt of the loneliness...I have allowed him to sleep on our bed once or twice, and have even pulled him up on the couch with me as I passed out one night, just to feel as if I wasn't completely alone. Who knew I'd turn out to be such a pansy?

Of course, Aiden is upstairs...but he's in bed by 8.

One of the interesting realities of this restless waking that I suffer from on these nights is that I am awake while mostly everyone I know and love is asleep (except, oddly, Sheri...who, we all hope, is not asleep, as she is administering medical care...).

It is both remarkably lonely and also bizarrely serene to be the only one up. On the one hand...well, I've already covered the being lonely part...though I didn't mention also the new found creepiness of our house when it's dark and I am alone...sometimes I think I can't sleep because I have to keep watch over the house until light comes.

Then there's the odd peacefulness of being the watchman. It is just me, the (sleeping!) dog, my computer, and my iGoggle, whose theme is currently on "Earth-Light" which allows me to track the progression of the sun over the continents. Imagine the lives spent in blissful sleep...reflect on the souls just waking to the dawn...consider the multitudes already in the very midst of their day...

Sleep peacefully friends. I am, maddeningly, awake...and watching over the entire Hemisphere...at least until I pass out from exhaustion.

Sheri's Mix

Odd as it might sound, I am 26, have been married over half a decade, have one 4 year old and another on the way. I am young, comparatively speaking, for the stage of life that I am in...most of my friends, if they are married, are still in the glorified dating stage...and many are still working towards the marriage stage.

As a result of being an early arrival at the Matrimonial Gates, I have had the opportunity to hear about the "love languages" many, many times.

Many times.

That's not really a complaint, since the longer you're married the more you need to reflect on how you love your spouse, and work to ensure that you are showing them affection in effective ways. I know that Sheri and I have missed each other from time to time, but I'd like to think that for the most part we connect; our marriage is better now than last year, or the year before, or the year before that.

I give gifts. Sheri wants my time and thoughts.

One of the obvious ways to combine the two was through making her a mix tape.

In the old days (when a mix tape was actually a tape...as opposed to the CD that it is now...) I would make her music using my handed-down boom-box, a gift I received once my parents got a better system for the house. I would cue up my original tapes or CD's, and press record and have to sit and wait an average of 3.5 minutes until the song was over, and then stop the recording, to cue up the next song I had meticulously chosen. Frequently the mixes would serve a duel purpose; it was to send her a message of my affection for her, and to educate her musical experience. The girl hadn't even really listened to the Beatles by the time she was a senior in high school...the situation was dire.

Still, first and foremost, I was trying to send a message. The music expressed in a different way the emotions that i felt, and I wanted to share those with her.

Once she was mine...well, my music library was hers. She listened to whatever I had, and I stopped making mixes for her...there hardly seemed a point.

Except that, she needs to hear and know how I care for her.

I made her the first mix I have made in years today. A disclaimer: if the song seems lyrically inappropriate for a mix for my beloved, I probably chose it for the music, not the lyrics. Here are my selections:

That's How You Know: Amy Adams, Enchanted (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)
The Way I Am: Ingrid Michaelson, Girls and Boys
Here Comes the Sun: Phil Keaggy & Randy Stonehill, Together Live!
My Brilliant Feat: Colin Hay, Going Somewhere
He Came to Meet Me: Hem, Funnel Cloud
The Fire Thief: Hem, Eveningland
Hooch: Everything, In the Juju Underworld
Love Story: Taylor Swift, Fearless
Overkill: Colin Hay, Man @ Work
Bolero: InsideOut A cappella, Sharing Time
Lost Cause: Beck, Sea Change
Fresh Feeling: Eels, Meet the Eels: Essential Eels 1996 - 2006 Vol. 1
Fighting for My Love: Nil Lara, Nil Lara
Falling Slowly: Frames, The Cost
I Want You To Be My Love: Over the Rhine, Drunkard's Prayer
In the Sun: Joseph Arthur, Come to Where I'm From
Coming Back Soon: Randy Stonehill, Can't But a Miracle
How Bizarre (Mix): OMC, How Bizarre

I Miss My Wife, or Why Having Your Wife at Home is Better Than Almost Anything Else

Sheri is taking the Nursing Boards today.

Its been a long, long two weeks of September.

We moved up to Valencia in August. I work up here now. Sheri still works down there (right next to Angel stadium). The gas alone was killing us...and she had to find time to study for the boards...a serious problem.

Then, out of the blue, we had friends that offered to put Sheri up at their house down in Brea during the week, or whenever she had a stretch of days when she needed to be down in that area for work, etc. It was an unlooked for blessing.

It has meant that I am getting a taste of being a sinlge parent. I am alone, in a house that still needs a lot of work to get it "right"...I don't have a car (we are still a one car family). I have been getting into the school year, getting Aiden to school, starting the football season as "headcoach" (ridiculous...but fun)...and I don't sleep well at all when my wife is not at home.

On Friday, I had to go home because I had a such a bad headache...because I am just not getting enough sleep. The boy misses mommy and is sad at night. So many things are not right...and its all because she's not home with us.

Fortunately, this will be done, completely done, by the end of September. Until then...two more long, long, long weeks of September left...

'Tis the Season

Our life has been, well, busy of late.

Pictures WILL come...but we're doing the home-making thing. It never ends. Even if I weren't committed to my new home until I am 56, I am secured to the new place by the bonds of paint, sawdust, Spackle, blood, sweat, and tears (those are mostly Sheri's...)

I'm starting school. Sheri's working, and studying for her boards (in 2 weeks! ACK! hence the tears...) Aiden is in preschool and is hopefully happier to there than at home, as home tends to be full of things he cannot do, since we're still trying to get it into at least working order, from the move.

We are working on one car...which meant that I got to walk Aiden to school today, and then bike myself to school, with roughly 5 minutes before class started to catch my breath.

I'm tired, mostly.

Many evenings of late, once Aiden is asleep, Sheri and I have had the energy to essentially watch some TV to unwind and then go to bed. We're wiped. And every time we tell anyone about where we're at, the general response is a look of pity, a sigh/pat on the shoulder, and these words; "Its just a season."

This is kindly meant, and I have appreciated the perspective. But the thing I realized this morning, as I returned from taking Aiden to school, and put my bag together and then darted out myself, was that I don't want this season to last. That may sound obvious, but something my Dad said to me the other day when I said those words myself made me think; he encouraged me to avoid allowing the excuses of this difficult season to become habits that become a part of our normal life.

This is really important, since life is never, really, all that normal. You pick up habits along the way, and if you're not careful before you know it you are the person you are going to be. If you are going to have a say in what sticks, you have to fight, even in the midst of "a season" to keep certain things merely seasonal, and to never entirely lose those practices you want to be characterize your "real" life.

I did not marry Sheri to spend my evenings with her watching TV. We did not have Aiden to ignore him or keep him entertained but not interact with him. I am not teaching so I don't have to think about good books and difficult thoughts. We are not working on a house to avoid having a home.

I did not receive salvation from Christ only to call out to Him in my moments of need, but ignore him when I am feeling just fine.

It is easy to make excuses, but being a whole person is not a quick or easy task; it requires vigilance and honest to goodness work. It requires that I give the little energy I have, during the little free-time I have, to love my son and teach him about life, rather than play a game, reading a fluff book or even sleeping. It demands that I use the time I have when Aiden is healthily occupied to work on lesson plans or make the home a better place for my wife and son. First and foremost, it requires that I spend more time meditating in quiet relfection on the great goodness of God, rather than filling my mind with every other argument I can find about politics, or pop-culture, or whatever else that so easily distracts. Of necessity, my actions will be influenced by what I spend my time thinking about...ultimately Christian service can only flow from someone that is honestly seeking to please the Lord in all things. How else can I expect, at the end of the day, to know my Savior better? To serve Him as I want to want to serve Him? Or for my son to know me? Or to have a wife...30 years from now, when we aren't fighting to make the house/job/transportation/income/boards/etc juggling act work?

The season cannot be the reason that we live as we live. If we are to have anything in the end, we must counter-act the natural tendency to excuse ourselves because of circumstances. Ultimately, I want more than just whatever I would settle for because I am tired.

The Beautiful Ordinary

One of the nice things about getting up early to go work is that you get to kiss your wife goodbye while she's still asleep.

Sleeping may not make you the most attractive person to the rest of the world...but there's something wonderful about being the one that gets to kiss her goodbye while she's still dreaming.

Its enough to make me smile even after being at work for 4 hours.

No robe for you!

I used to have a robe. It was heavy terry-clothe. Navy Blue. Warm. Even though holes tore open under the arms, it was still my robe. Comfy. Large. I liked my robe. I wore it frequently.

Then we reorganized our apartment. Threw out a ton of stuff that we no longer used or needed. Moved furniture, painted, cleaned, etc.

My wife decided that my robe was no longer worth keeping. I found it in the pile of stuff going away. I asked her why, and she said that with the holes, it was no longer worthy of remaining my robe. She promised to replace it. I tried to challenge her logic, suggesting that since I did actually use my robe, we should keep it until we replaced it. She, of course, prevailed.

Of course...we're broke...and robes cost money. And you know the old saying--a robe on the hook is worth two in the store.

Now I own no robe. I miss my robe. Sigh.

"My time flies...

...but we'll fly farther"

We woke up early, and went with some friends and my grandparents to the church, where we had communion. We went to breakfast afterwards...and then went our separate ways. We got dressed, met back up & took some pictures, re-entered the church and said some things. We left the church and had a party under the stars, with Chinese lanterns shining golden in the now dark night sky. We left the party, drove to a hotel and fell asleep very different from the way we'd woken up.

Four years ago today, we were married.

It was a great day.