Why is History Important?

We had our first "High Table" session this past Tuesday. The "High Table" references the tradition at Oxford and, essentially, its where the Dons sit. Its the High Table, and the students sit at the regular tables. Well, our High Table draws on that tradition, because its for us, the teachers; notably our time at the High Table is not just meal-time, but is a session for us, the tutors.

Its a lot of fun.

This time we talked about Genesis. Mr Bartel led it, and the question he asked was a variation of the question I asked in the title of this post...What is the point of memory?

Now...recreating our discussion would be neither interesting or helpful. But it was, I think, a worthwhile question...and I keep thinking about it over 24 hours later--which is always a good sign.

So...why is memory important? What is the point of history? I can (and did) give the typical historian's reason for the importance of history...but why do we want to keep what happened so long ago fresh in our minds? Why does God make that important (there are numerous references to the heritage of Faith and the history of God's faithfulness throughout the Scriptures)?

Ultimately...why do we want to know our history?

I know what you're thinking; "Chris, I don't want to know our history...its boring and I have better things to do."

I say that's a bunch of bunk. You have been taught wrong. Your teachers have failed you, and you should file a complaint. Better yet, read more and go back and teach in their place--so that your children won't be ruined like you were ruined. But I digress.

You DID and probably still actually DO want to know your history. Why do I know this to be true? Because, unless you're truly braindead and insulated from all society, you go to the movies, you watch TV and you read books. Why do you do these things?

Is it because you literally have nothing better to do with your time? With the exception of reading books, that's patently false.

Or perhaps you think that you are drawn to these stories for some inane reason, that stands alone, unconnected with the rest of humanity, time, space, etc? That's also quite wrong.

No--you interact with those stories because you want to know. You want to touch the stories that tell us who we are and what we are becoming. And that is exactly what history is--you just don't know it yet.

You go in search of those stories because when you see Tom Hanks pinned down on that beach in Saving Private Ryan you feel something stirring inside you that touches something you don't quite understand...but whether you know it or not, it connects you with the men that endured that awful morning. They were men, and you are man (in the genus sense). And when you hear their stories...you begin to perceive a little bit of your place in time, space, etc. You connect--and that matters almost more than anything else. In connecting you are reaching into the soul of humanity...and in the soul of humanity vaccum left by our separation from God. There resides the question that moves all other questions. When you delve into these stories, or better still into history itself, you hit upon a direct line to your heritage as Adam's offspring...and you connect once again to the ancient relationship between Creator and creation.

If that's not worth studying...I don't know what is.

Por Que?

Yes, the question is..."Why?"

Why...why do we spend the months before the child arrives "child-proofing" our home with little extra latches and locks on all sorts of things he is not supposed to get into, because they will kill, maim, cripple, poison, or generally cause harm to him. And now, though his inability to discern what objects/chemicals represent a true threat to his person has NOT increased, one of his toys is a lock and latch board...with various locks and latches for him to play with and learn to handle.

So...we spend money buying locks and latches. And now, we are teaching him to make those locks and latches a waste of time and money. Why?

I think my wife was just trying to make it harder for me to open cabinets in my house.

I know I've said it before...

but my job is great.

No, seriously, my job is incredible.

We are only doing orientation stuff and I am wildly excited about this job. How many job's orientation weeks involve hours of discussions on the nature of education, the importance of the tripartite soul, and the value of self-examination/critical thinking, etc.? Haw many work places are filled with people that care passionately about the subjects of their labor?

I used to think those questions were cheating. Obviously discourse is not central to every job, but surely people don't settle into jobs that they are either indifferent towards, or even despise, I thought to myself.

Oh, my naive self.

But now...wow, do I have a good job. I'm happy.

Being Dad

Its ironic.

Aiden has been a real trooper. He's been lugged halfway to kingdom come by two crazy parents experimenting (from his point of view) with all the possible ways they can mess with his sense of a schedule. They have been quite successful, stretching him to the very limits. He has had some meltdowns along the way, but overall, he's been amazing. The hardest part has been sleeping.

For some reason, he can actually fall asleep...until we come to bed. And then he wakes up. And he cries. He won't stop crying. And he stiffens and arches and cries. Its not pretty.

But it is ironic.

Well, tonight is the night before I go away for a week to try and love kids whose parents were too selfish to love their own children. I will be the first to admit that when its 1 a.m. and I should have gone to sleep a couple hours ago and Aiden decides to declare WWIII, I am not often happy. But...tonight...it was a little different. Now, to be clear: I am not a saint (as if that needed saying); but it occured to me as he began to cry and I realized that sleep was not to be quite yet...how can I love other people's kids in the hard times if I cannot love my own during his? I need to be patient with him and find out what's wrong with him...not merely get mad and go sleep on the couch to avoid his moments of crying (something I frequently do actually do).

So I have been sitting with a kid who is (thank God!) not crying, but won't let me put him down for about half an hour now. He's just holding me...as if that was the reason he was crying to begin with; he wasn't where he belonged, in Daddy's arms. And in a sense...that's true. He wasn't, and now he is...and things aren't so bad afterall.

Being a Dad can be tough...I have never been as tired as I have perpetually been over the last two years...but there are undeniable perks.

Royal Family Kids' Camp

I will be gone this week, working at the Royal Family Kids' Camp hosted by our church. In the meantime, my family will be enjo-I mean struggling with my absence. So please keep them in your prayers. Sheri is getting ready to return full-time to the nursing program (year two) at Biola, and is very excited about getting geared up for that...and it would be easier to do that if she weren't flying solo for the week before classes start. Aiden is gearing up to run around the house and have a great time...and it will probably be easier to make messes now that there aren't four hands/eyes/feet etc to prevent him from wreaking havoc. Seriously though, just keep them in prayers, if you would, that they will be safe and have a really great week together. And if you remember me, pray for me. I have been sick this last week, and this coming week looks to be rather tiring. Pray that I can stay healthy and be energetic for the kids, and that the kids themselves will be touched by the love of Christ throughout the week.

Thanks all.

El Gran Tiburón Blanco

I have a sort of...morbid fascination? with sharks. And recently, I have had the opportunity to watch some documentaries on Great Whites. I am creeped out and awe-struck all at once.

I believe, almost actually, that I will die by shark...if only because I am more afraid of sharks than almost anything else on the earth. Not wimpy afraid, a a girl and a spider...I am just in awe of how fantastically lethal a Great White Shark is.

One of the highlights of my life was seeing a Great White Shark (lets face it, the Celebrity of the Shark world) face to face...with a very important, and thankfully very thick piece of glass between us. She was like nature's version of a stealth bomber. You could see her when she was directly in front of you, and then she would disappear once she had passed even a few feet away...only to glide back into your line of site a few moments later. The other fish didn't disappear. Just the Great White. And the symmetry of her lines...I have never seen anything so deliberately built for hunting and killing. There were other sharks in the tank with her...they looked like regular fishes in comparison to the Great White. It was amazing.

I loved it...but I cannot understand the guys that go out (as the guys in the documentary did) and stand in a little motor boat throwing blood and meat into the water, and using a stick or a line to tempt Great Whites to get right up next to their miniscule boat and start thrashing. Crazy. Insane. Remember the famous line? "We're going to need a bigger boat." I watched two crazy people do their best to tempt the most lethal creature in nature as it tore a 500 lb seal to ribbons. The shark was over two tons! And their cameras captured the whole thing...the seal is just floating around, looking for something...the water looks nice enough...and then, from beneath the seal, a dark shadow starts to appear...and by the time you can make out exactly what it is...its too late. Death has literally just swam up and eaten you. Yeah, I wanna go out in a dingy and take pictures of THAT. Crazy!

I can imagine the discussion on one of those boats...they're talking to the camera..."Observe the shark, stalking its prey...so naturally capable of killing it seems effortless. It stalks the deeps, nature's Stealth Bomber of the depths...(psst, Larry...the Shark is getting a little too close to the camera...) See the ultimate predator as it rips into its victim, its awesome jaws sawing through thick layers with an efficiency not seen anywhere else in nature...(Larry...now he's getting too close to the boat...pssst--Larry...start the engine! No gas? The shark bit the propeller and now it won't spin?...he's left the seal...what's he doing?) See the shark abandon his kill, seemingly interested in something els...!(Larry...why is the shark moving back towards the boat? Larry?!?!) *crash* See how the shark explores the intruders to his domain...(What do you mean "there's water in the boat"? What?!? The Shark has cracked the hull of the boat? *crash*)" A new voice finishes the segment..."See the shark as he re-establishes his complete dominance of the sea, conquering even those land dwellers reckless enough to tempt fate and the shark with their lives..."

Yeah...I wouldn't be in that boat. Still, I am convinced it'll be sharks that finish me off in the end...With my luck, I'll end up eating some Shark soup at a restaurant some day and choke to death...and prove myself a rather ironic prophet. At least my tombstone can read:

"Christopher Leigh; Husband, Father, Son. Death by Shark"

The crisis of reality...

Sad day, really. The political world was getting all geared up for a regular rhetoric hoedown. The talking points were ready, and history and fact were all limbered up to be distorted past recognition...and then those pesky terrorists had to go and validate everything!

The only question I have is this...how can a political party survive when this is how they behave when a moderate leader of their party (a man who was actually a VP candidate only 6 years ago!) cannot keep the support of his home base, but instead loses to a proclaimed supporter of appeasement and inaction? Its almost as maddening as Mike Wallace's revealed lack of moral conscience...apparently, if a madman is interesting enough, the situation changes.

Here's my real problem; we need a second voice. We need a debate. We need a left to my right. But the people leading today's Democratic party are insane. They have no depth perception...they are shallow and simple-minded fools that attribute everything to greed and believe everything can be solved if only we redistribute enough wealth. They cannot grasp the concept of people willing to destroy the world over an idea! There are strands of the old debate in that thinking, but the problem is the old Left did understand that social reform was only part of the answer: sometimes force is required. FDR got it. Truman got it. Kennedy even got it (to some extent--the Cuban Missle Crisis was his moment in the sun). Carter, Clinton, Gore, Kerry, et al; they don't get it. Some on the right seem to want to embrace Lieberman as if he was the long lost son of the Republican party--he's NOT, but at least he's a balanced Democrat who has a healthy perspective of the way the world is presently. Cutting him out is a message to the rest of the Democratic party--and to the nation: the Liberal Left no longer has a handle on the reality of the situation, and they cannot be trusted with the leadership of this nation. They will allow desperate men enough room to grow until we can no longer challenge them without cataclysmic results.

Beware America. I know I sound dramatic...but this is one of those delicate, dramtic moments in history where the wrong choice in something as trivial as a national debate can cost the world a price too high to pay.

High on Life!

A little extreme I suppose...I sound like one of those insane inspirational speakers, or something.

But I am notably better tonight than I was last night.

You see, I hate being sick. And last night...I was sick. Fever of 102, aching pretty much everywhere...I wished I was dead. Being sick doesn't reflect well on me...it makes me seem...ill.

I much prefer this current state. Wide awake at 2 AM and wanting to post on my blog, watching history documentaries on Churchill and Roosevelt. Much preferable to wishing I could disappear into the folds of my couch just so I would stop feeling the way I felt.

Of course...I could probably avoid being sick if I went to bed now. I leave with this final thought...Churchill was a giant to Roosevelt's ant-like character. Governments trade in PR but could become legendary if they affected real change. And late night television is unique in its ability to be simultaneously interesting and inane.

See...I get a new job, I like my life a little more...I start blogging more. Now if I get more readers...I might start believing I got the job because the world needed my blog. And they do...oh they do...

Wow...I'm tired...

Crash

Wow.

I had heard it was a good movie on the issues of racism and prejudice. I had no idea it actually WAS a good movie on those issues.

It was fantastic. So broad in its scope...so deep in its details. Just a really great film, with complex irony and level upon level of introspection.

I probably sound lame...but it was refreshing to see such a great representation of the problems that really DO affect us on a day to day basis. There is racism, as Crash presents it, everywhere and at work constantly. This is because we all work with people different from ourselves...and specifically when it comes to the issue of race, we have prejuidices in mind that we must decide to overcome (if we are to be good people) or are influenced by (if we allow our natural inclinations to rule us). There is a reason mankind divided when God introduced differences into the equation. We don't like to understand those that are not like us.

But the thing I think I saw best represented in Crash was the nature of racism. Racism comes about as a result of all those other issues (prejudices, stereo-types, history, etc). But at the moment, when the man or woman is acting on those racist emotions...he or she is not so different from any other bad man or woman committing an offense against another person. The only difference is the racist has, as his reason for acting against the specific individual he is acting against, race as a motivating factor. Still there are degrees of racists. They do not automatically become that special type of racist that would put entire races into concentration camps. The average racist is merely a man behaving badly towards a person or people of a particular race that he has (for one reason or another) decided is inherantly less good as a result of being "that race" (clearly a fool's opinion...but that's what a person acting on racism is...a fool--or at least, foolish).

The really interesting thing is...this reveals just how universal racism can be. These predispositions are everywhere. Its nearly impossible to avoid...because we ARE different, and when people differ from each other, they notice those differences and attribute problems to the presence of differences (whether there is a relation or not).

I don't know. I realize that this is a jumble of thoughts. I really appreciated the movie and I think that if the discussion on the issues of race were approached with a better understanding (an understanding akin to the understanding that I think the makers of Crash have) we would get further in bridging the gap between our differences.

You just wish...

...that you had my job.

Admit it.

You envy me.

Its understandable.

A beautiful wife.

An amazing son.

Devilish good looks.

Rapier-like wit.

Roguish charm.

I can hear you now; "Why does Chris get all the good stuff?" you ask yourself, bitterness welling up inside you. Shame on you.

Well, let me tell you--though all of the above is true, not everything is easy, even for me. I live in a small, old, and rather rundown apartment (despite our best efforts to make it home...we succeed, but since we can make this place comfy, just think about what we could do with a nice place!) I drive a gas guzzling, frequently broken Kia Sportage...and its white. And, I do live in a parking lot city, which has been forced into existence by man, though nature never intended a city to reside here.

For a while now, I would have been able to add the fact that I, a grown up by most estimations (based, if not on my youthful good looks and energetic enthusiasm, then on my current status in life) work with mostly kids making coffee. Sigh. It was a huge chink in my armor, a glaring fault in the midst of dazzling perfection...that's me.

But no more. I got a full-time new job...teaching...great...books.

That's right.

I read and talk for a living. I read things like LOTR and Mere Christianity. And talk. Hmmm...yeah, there's not much of a downside to that (grading papers not withstanding!)

I guess I cannot blame you for envying me. I envied me until I got this job.

This is so cool!

Coolest Starbucks Moment Ever

I have been meaning to relate this...its one of those moments that you have to hold on to, to keep you from going nuts in the midst of making 4000 Carmel Fraps a night...

So, we have this regular named Nick. Orders a Iced Venti Vanilla Latte, with 4 shots and whipped cream. As with all regulars, I like to be generous and also like to chat from time to time. One night, during the recent crazy heat wave, he came in, ordered the usual, and while waiting for his drink, I noticed that he had a cigar in his shirt pocket. We were talking, and he said that he enjoyed sitting, on occasion, outside, drinking his coffee and smoking a cigar. I said that, yes, that's good way to spend an evening, and that was the end of our discussion.

Couple weeks later...

Another, quite similar night, Nick the regular walks in and orders his usual. I am once again on the bar, and so I masterfully put his drink together. While I am topping it off with whipped cream, he asks me if I enjoy cigars. I say, yes, I have enjoyed them when I have smoked them (which is rare, but I have enjoyed them every time). He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out an extra cigar and hands it to me, and tells me that he remembered talking with me and that I had mentioned how nice it was to sit, drink coffee and smoke a cigar--so he brought an extra to give to me! How cool is that?

I have the cigar sitting on my desk, waiting for the day I turn in my notice at Starbucks. Oh, and its coming soon!

New Job, New Times

So...

Sooooo...

My how plans can change. God has an interesting way of...shall we say...adjusting our plans as we go.

I have been hired on full-time as a tutor at the Torrey Academy, which functions under the STAR program at Biola University.

This is, really, a dream come true. I actually get to make a living reading books and talking about them. Not much of a living...it is, after all, Christian education, but a living nonetheless. My first full salary position (i.e. not paid by the week or hour, but by on a 10 month schedule).

The only down side, and it really is difficult for me to do, is that I have to resign my position at Santa Fe Springs Christian Middle School.

It is a disappointment...of a interesting nature. I was very much looking forward to the chance to work at that school. Still, I love this new job I have, and I have no doubt it will be ultimately incredibly fulfilling. I just feel bad about having to leave that school with only two weeks before the semester starts to fill that position.

Sigh.

Thank you Lord for the gift of this new job!

Been Busy

My last post was hardly an uplifting thought (though, of course, brilliant in its analysis). Unfortunately, I've been busy and the news has been anything but uplifting.

But, I was busy doing cool stuff, and since I am finally done with all that was happening in the last week, I thought it would be nice to finally post about it...Aiden permitting...

***Aiden did not permit...which is why this post, officially created on the 3rd of August is being posted on the 5th.***

So, what have we been up to? Well, we went to a wedding of good friends. They haven't risen from the private state of the newly married bliss (and good for them I say!), so the link does little more than point you in the direction--there's no update.

But while attending that wedding interesting things began happening. Our car decided that we had enjoyed too easy a time with it, having just dropped another $500+ on it, and the compressor for the AC went out. The wedding was in Fresno, during the worst heatwave of this Summer. The temperature in the shade was over 110 degrees, in the sun it felt like you were in an oven. More dear friends came to our rescue (we wouldn't have endured the trek to the wedding if not for their generosity) and lent us their new Toyota Camry. It was a nice ride. The outside world was burning in hell, but we were cruising inside in fantastic cool air, in a very comfortable car.

While out there, we stayed with another dear friend and her family, and as odd as it might sound...sleeping for a night at their house was the closest thing Sheri and I had enjoyed to a getaway vacation pretty much since the October before Aiden was born (well, there was the Christmas after he was born...I am not sure if I count that or not, but its still been about 2 years). 2 years! I cannot stress enough...getting away, even if its not the Ritz, is everything. We stayed in a normal home, ate normal food and did nothing much in particular...and I felt more rested and relaxed coming home to L.A. to go and work that night than I had in nearly 2 years. We are, needless to say, grateful for the haspitality of both a car and a room. They may seem like little things, but we have revived in no small part due to that mini-break of a day and a half outside of the ordinary.

Also, while we were on our mini-break, we managed to visit Saquoia National Forest and see the giant trees. Amazing. Really almost a holy place. God has done some amazing things with this world.

Then, about half a week after that adventure, we embarked on another. A friend from the past (how exciting does that sound?) came to visit us. We hadn't seen her in 6 years, but Kari Kipp is as wonderful as ever, and we had a great week with her catching up and essentially tiring ourselves out as much as possible. We hiked to a "waterfall", otherwise known as the trickle at the end of the trail aka Millard Falls in Altadena, we went to the OC Fair, to Crystal Cove State Beach, to Balboa Island, to San Louis Obispo, to W.R. Hearst Beach, to Pismo State Beach (tried camping...too much sand, too much wind...still got sand pretty much everywhere...), to Cambria, and a few other places. It was a full week. We literally couldn't manage to get up and go anywhere the last day...we were too tired. We had a lot of fun. We hung out with one of my good friends a couple of times, and generally just did as many fun things as we could manage.

We did so much stuff that at the end of the week...all of us were sick. Good times.

So yeah, that's what's been keepin me from the computer and blogging...real life. And its been good. I have become convinced that the surest way to go mad is to NOT plan a regular occasion for walking in the woods. I have also decided that I WILL immerse myself in something NOT related to the city on at least an annual basis...it was too good not to go back.

Support Israel!

I have been trying to figure out how best to make a comment about the current situation in the Middle East. I am too tired to give too many defenses of what I feel is the obvious course of action for our nation (and for any nation that would live free). But a couple of days ago, a friend asked a question that I did attempt to answer, and since then I haven't found a better way of approaching the issue. So, here is his question (in italics) and here's my answer (in plain text).

Palestinians on T.V. and Americans at home are asking two questions:
1) What exactly constitutes the distinction between criminal, terrorist, and enemy soldier?

Criminals...that's a tricky question. A good definition of an illegal enemy combatant would be someone that did not recognize or fulfill any of the conditions that confer legal status to combatants. A good question to ask when deciding if someone is defined as a criminal and law breaker is: with regard to which legal issues? Its hard to use legal labels on people that contest the basis of various systems of laws. Technically, if they never agreed to enter into the legal contract, and their nation never agreed to enter into a legal contract and recognize certain common laws...are they criminals? Hard to say. They aren't breaking laws they have agreed (even tacitly) to adhere to. At a certain point, most people seem to say, whether you agree or not, there is a rule of law and operating outside of it constitutes an illegal action, and whether you recognize the power of that law or not matters very little.

Terrorists could be summarized as being non-conventional combatants that target non-combatants, if not solely, than at least primarily, with a variety of potential end goals. That said, there terrorists and then there are terrorists. Domestic terrorists work against their nation's governmental system--again, targeting in a deliberate fashion non-combatants. International terrorists work against other nation's governmental systems, usually apart from their own nation's forces and targeting non-combatants with their efforts.

I would note that this would eliminate the suggestion that Washington and crew fall into the category of "terrorists". Being *unrecognized* doesn't make you a terrorist...its attacking civilians that makes you a terrorist. Guerilla warfare is often associated with terrorism, because guerillas don't use conventional warfare...but I think there is a definite distinction between guerillas and terrorists.

Enemy soldiers are conventional soldiers of a state. I think the key term is soldier...to be a soldier implies actual enlistment in a formalized military. Generally they wear uniforms. Certainly their actions can be attributed to the decisions of the state.

I would classify members of al Qaeda and Hezbollah as terrorists. They operate primarily against civilians, with political aims as their end goal. They are not guerillas. They are not enemy soldiers. They are illegal combatants/criminals.

2) What are the roles and rules for American/coalition/Israeli forces operating against the combatants listed in question 1?

Well, our policy should be fairly straightforward. To not support Israel would be a disastrous back-flip in the face of serious confrontation of our official international policy, to say nothing of catering to what can only be considered terrorists whilst turning our backs on one of our staunch-est allies. The terrorists have as an end goal a plan that will launch the widest spread conflict since WWII. With Iranians and Syrians supporting the fighters in Lebanon, if Israel does what it is prepared to do, the entire Middle East becomes a shooting gallery. We must side with Israel, purposely and pre-emptively, so that everyone knows that we're ready to go to the mattresses over this. Appeasement will not avert disaster...stating clearly that we stand ready to go to war over Israel's right to defend itself from terrorists just might though.

There's a lot in play with this situation. Our international policy, via the Bush doctrine, has shifted to one of pre-emptive intervention should the need arise to maintain our security and peace. A war in the Middle East constitutes a serious problem. More than that, I wonder how long any amount of meetings with French diplomats will prevent Iran from pushing the nuclear envelope if they are gearing up for an all out conflict with Israel, as the Iranian president has repeatedly stated he is ready and waiting to do.

China and Russia support Iran. N. Korea is hardly in need of an excuse to position itself against our allies. Pakistan doesn't like Israel, and they are also nuclear. Its no secret that the Middle East is only waiting for a spark to explode. It doesn't help that, even after Israel has withdrawn from the Gaza Strip and conceded quite a lot to people that use terrorism tactics, the attacks don't stop. Defenders of free societies should be united against anyone that stands against Israel right now.

As to your question about how to deal with terrorists and how they can be "brought to justice"...I would say this...terrorists can be captured and held accountable to the laws of the wider international community. More importantly, the states that complacently tolerate or encourage and actively sponsor terrorists can be held accountable to legal standards of the international community. I think more needs to be done than that, since the legal consequences of breaking the rules of the international community usually amount to sanctions...but it can be done. I think our approach to Afghanistan and Iraq is a great example of the way to handle nations with ties to terrorism. Both were handled legally, and we chose to use the resources available to us to see to it that the law was upheld (something most nations don't care to do...)

I am man....hear me roar!

Lately I have read 10 minutes of GK Chesterton's Everlasting Man every night at work. Its wonderful. It makes me feel civilized. It makes me feel sane. It makes me feel...like a man.

Not feel masculine...I don't need help with that. No; it makes me feel like a man.

HuMan.

To Reason...or Not.

"Regardless, he's still a jackass."

I was completely shocked. How can anyone be comfortable living in a world where their summation of an argument is something so concise and final as the dismissive "Regardless, he's still a jackass." Not an answer. Not a counter-argument. Just dismissal.

Regardless.

Hmph.

I have heard of these types of people...but this was my first personal encounter. I revealed to yet another person in my workplace that I am, indeed, a Republican. This was greeted with forseeable distaste, and then Bush-bashing. "That man is the worst President ever--he's a jackass!" Summarizing the war as a family thing, all about oil, etc. They laughed at the suggestion that WMD had actually been found...I chuckled and said...but they have been. Chemical weapons that were illegal for Saddam to possess. Found...apparently found a while ago...I admit, I have no idea why that didn't make a larger wave 3 years ago, but that doesn't change the fact--they were found. I told them that those were great talking points, but that they had very little to do with reality. They were ready for me--they asked how I knew anything; they asked, you know, if I knew anyone in politics?!?! I smiled...and asked if they had any proof that those talking points had merit. They looked confused...and dismissed me. Insults and dismissal.

Regardless.

Hmph.

Its not an uncommon tactic apparently. I have suspected as much, but there are suddenly plenty of great examples of bitterness and ignorance overshadowing the facts...especially as more and more facts turn up that suggest that perhaps the momentum to impeach the President isn't quite as well founded as some might have thought.

Now...I could go into a rant about this or that political idea...but I'm not going to. That there are people that disagree with me without reason is hardly a new thought...and I would rather use my time discussing things with people with reason that disagree with me--at least then we might grow in the process.

The thing I am most shocked by is this realization...people really don't want to learn and discuss actually the ideas that divide us. They want to avoid those ideas. They don't want to discuss things that matter with truth...they want to hear the things they want to hear...and hearing something they don't want to hear is uncomfortable. There are actually people that don't want to deal with it...in any way shape or form. I've known this...but I cannot help but feel a little bit of sad awe at this realization...how can you live in this world and feel any sense of peace but be unable to discuss real ideas and be interested in finding actual truth. The search for truth doesn't begin by hearing always and only people that agree with you.

This sad little discussion ended with them saying that politics was like religion...its something you just don't talk about.

I wanted to pull out my hair. Politics is something you don't talk about? Religion is something you don't talk about? In a society of *free speech*, these are the things you don't talk about?

Sigh.

And, since the word "jackass" is being thrown around...lets not forget which party is the proud party of the jackass...

Spineless or Tactful?

One of the *benefits* of looking for work is having the opportunity to see a variety of different management styles, and to work on your interviewing skills. I believe I am getting progressively better at the whole process...the only hitch seems to come from the people I apply too. I say this with a certain sense of self-effacing humor...I know I am not perfect...but I think I am generally hirable, and whatever mistakes I may have made in the past I am not making currently when it comes to work--with full modesty, I'll tell you--I kick ass in my work place. I have the reviews to prove it.

Now, of course, I am not knocking managers of jobs that I apply for when I am not clearly qualified. A great example would be the job at ECCU...I wasn't particularly qualified for it and they filled it internally, so it wasn't overly discouraging.

But the jobs for which I am either perfectly qualified or even overly qualified...when I get treated bad while applying for those jobs, that's just kinda a kick in the teeth. I have had two great experiences applying for jobs...both of which have ended up with employment. I have had plenty of experiences where, in response to a very eager application by myself, potential employers were unreasonable...demeaning...uninterested...dismissive...and down right rude.

Which brings me to my ultimate question...as an applicant for a job...when is the general rudeness of a potential boss too much to stand, and when do you suck it up for the sake of an income?

For a *career* oriented position...How desperate do you have to be to accept the job from the person that makes you feel less than an intelligent adult? Is it worth it? Is a boss entitled to be rude to you (always assuming its not abuse in the work-place)? More importantly, when applying for a job, how much should your decisions be influenced by the behavior of your potential boss? Do you judge the book by its cover, having nothing else to go by?

It seems idealistic, to say that while they consider you, you consider them. It rarely works out that way...I have actually had an experience with a job of that nature...it was wonderful, and I look forward to working with them in part because of how great it was to apply to work for them. But that was an enigma.

Most application processes are something much different. Its expected that demands will be made...but in several discussions of potential work situations I have had over the past several months...its not my work behavior that's being discussed. Its my life and my family's life. Potential employers are making pre-emptive demands on things unrelated to work...and treating me with dismissive disdain.

And I have to ask myself...first, where the hell do they get the nerve to make such demands...and second, how should I respond when I am in the position I am in (trying desperately to find provision for my family). When the money isn't good enough, I can turn them down with a clear conscience...but when the money is enough to make the position tempting...where does dignity factor into finding a job? I cannot be happy if I cannot provide for my family...but then again, I feel like less than a man when I take a job with people that treat me like less than one.

So...are you being tactful when you ignore the humiliation your employer (and sometimes merely potential employer) heaps upon you in the course of your interaction with them? Or are you being spineless?

My wife says "No one can make you feel small except yourself." Which, I suppose, is a truism. Its just difficult to be lectured on the amount of respect expected from you should you be allowed to work for an organization, but to receive little or no respect yourself.

Perhaps its merely pride that urges me to reject their *opening* and throw their repulsive manners in their face. Nothing seems more satisfying sometimes than the thought of being rude to rude people. Man's justice in its prime.

Today I sat through an "interview" which was humilating in its absurdity. To say I don't take my potential employer seriously after meeting with them today would be an understatement. Every problem I had with the arrangement with the GLC this new place has...only they have those problems on steroids and they're looking for a fight. To say I was an after thought as I sat in their office trying to be interviewed would also be a gross understatement. I loathe the very thought of having to work for this organization...but I might have to.

I am not certain what frustrates me more...having to apply to work for people that have such poor management skills (yet, defying logic, are the managers), or the thought that I might have to take the job, even after finding out all that about them.

Sigh.

I'll keep looking and pray to God that I might avoid a year of agonizing in that place. Still...if this is the road that lays before us...its the road the Lord has promised to walk with us on. There is comfort in that.

This next year will not be an easy one...and as Summer pushes on, the question of what the Fall will look like weighs heavily upon me. My blogging has ended with prayers more and more, if you've noticed. I have been learning the need of prayer. The time has come to end this post.

Lord Jesus keep us. We are lost without Your hand to guide us and we are overwhlemed unless You sustain us.

Welcome to the High Country

Its Summer. That much is obvious. The signs of the times are everywhere...

We wear tank tops, all day, every day.

We wear shorts, all day, every day--sometimes to church (one of the few actual positive aspects of living in SoCal...this is acceptable and during the Summer its nearly a necessity...whether you should wear shorts or not).

We go swimming, pools and the beach.

We do the BBQ (last night actually...if you didn't, all I can say is, very likely my dinner was better than yours).

Frappuccinos are more in style than ever.

And chances are, if you're young, in love, and possibly done with school, you're getting married. Because this is the season of weddings.

Now, it might seem odd that *I* would be writing about weddings. I am, after all, a guy. And I am married--have been for three years now--what possible reason could I have to think about weddings? Sheri and I aren't renewing our vows after three years (how wierd and self-involved would that service be? Everyone would be thinking..."Weren't we just here?")

No.

I am thinking about weddings because, as might be expected, I have several friends that have either gotten married this Summer or are scheduled to do so before the end of the season. And having lived through this mayhem, I know what they are experiencing. Its a nightmare. Having survived this nightmare, I thought I would share my wisdom.

Now, first, as an important disclaimer...when I say weddings are a nightmare, I don't mean that I hated ours. I loved our wedding...it was excellent. My wife was amazing and her vision for that day was beautiful...and it is a thing of beauty that we will always share. I honestly don't think there were many things we would have changed about how it went, even in retrospect.

No, when I say, "Its a nightmare." what I mean, of course, is that the build-up to the wedding is essentially purgatory for the heaven that awaits. Its worse than anything anyone that is going to get married could have anticipated for such a joyous occasion. Even in the best of circumstances...nothing is easy when it comes to weddings.

I honestly think its a little amazing you manage to get married and still have family and friends that want to talk to you. Referencing my earlier disclaimer...our family and friends were incredibly generous and helpful. I merely wonder how we all managed to survive and still like each other afterwards.

Because there are so many opportunities for disaster on the road to the wedding, a lot of them revolving around two basic questions: who is involved with what, and the issue of thanking everyone for everything. Which family hosts what events. What friends play which part--do they earn a spot in the wedding party or not?, etc. And then, the "thank you"'s, which you'd better do or you'll probably burn in hell. At least, you'll probably burn in effigy. Oh yes, don't neglect the thank you's...

Gifts as a whole are a sticky issue. The family and friends...they look on it as "Well, I am giving something, they should be grateful!" And for the couple, they are thinking "If you want to give us something, can't you give us things we need or have asked for?" Both are valid points, and both will bring up stress and tension where none should exist. The reality of the situation is, gifts are gifts. But wedding gifts carry more baggage than the newly-weds will on their honeymoon.

Hoo-boy its a mess. The wind-up in the week before is truly insane. Depending on what type of people are involved in the wedding, there may be more tears or more yelling or more stressful multi-tasking than there will ever be again (at least, in the next three years). I spent one on the two days before my wedding driving all over L.A. getting stuff that should have been conveniently located in our neighborhood. Things like this are unavoidable and will inevitably add to the stress that is wearing on everyone.

The day itself, from my experience, flies by. And it is remarkably stress free until the church doors open and the bride steps through the archways. At that moment...well, lets say that in my experience that's the moment most grooms tend to almost unhinge...in a good way, of course. Cause she's actually there...and there's something really incredible about that. At that moment...(I clarify for the sake of my wife) the groom feels very much as if he cannot stand any longer...wants to shout out loud with joy...wants to ditch the whole thing and run away with the beautiful woman walking down the asile to him...all at once. We unhinge...only for a moment and mostly only internally. Now I sound like a girl, gushing. Sheesh.

And the reward for all the stress and build-up of the wedding prep? Sex. Yes, sex...and a new life. Getting used to another person in an entirely new way and coming to understand what a lifetime commitment means...which will, inevitably, be accompanied by its own special type of stress and difficulties.

Marriage is difficult. Getting married is quite hard...not harder than marriage itself, but the whole thing is a difficult thing.

But fear not! The wisdom of one that has been happily wed for 3+ years is this: for all the hard parts...marriage is worth it all and more. Its the high country...and its not easy to get to the high country...its not even easy to survive in the high country...but it can be done. And when you do it...wow is the high country a good country.

Good luck to all you newly wed and soon-to-be newly weds! God bless and keep you in this new chapter of your lives! And don't worry...the wedding and the newly wed ear of your life doesn't last forever...enjoy it for what its worth and endure the hard parts for the good that comes after them!

Happy 4th

Have a good Fourth of July.

Celebrate 230 years of meaningful liberty and freedom.

This is a good country we've made. Thank God for it.

Fixing a Hole...

Where the rain gets in, and stops my mind from wandering...where it will go...

I wish it would rain. We need rain. Washington D.C. has rain. I wish some of it would come our way. I imagine they do too...


Bonus points if you know the song from whence I got my title. Not many bonus points...it is, after all, one from the greatest band ever (to be referenced as GBE from now on...maybe I should post about them? hmmm...) but bonus points nonetheless.

Why Not Me? Why Not Now?

These are the standard questions one asks oneself when setting out to make a fortune. After all, we are told, the money's out there...why shouldn't you get some of it? Why wait? Get out there and make your money work for you! Seize the day! Actualize your potential! Be your own boss!

Yes well, I have heard this all and I am sure you have too. I have even tried various options to make this our reality. In the process of trying to become independently wealthy, I started to consider the nature of wealth. All wealth comes from one source, of course. So I started to pray, as I hadn't since I was a little kid who thought things were very, very simple, that God would grant us the success we longed for. I promised Him service regardless of our fortunes, but I promised specifically that should He see fit to grant us the means, we would not use the money only for ourselves, but to further the work of the Kingdom. After all, as MK's, Sheri and I know all too well the needs of families struggling to do fulltime ministry and maintain support for their basic needs. Who better to entrust with a fortune than MK's, who know intimately very good ways to use the money? So I asked...after all, there are times when we have not because we ask not.

Well, as you may or may not know, my plan did not work. Needless to say, Sheri and I are presently not on any track, to the best of my knowledge, that will enable us to be clear of our own debts any time soon, let alone fully fund missionaries around the world. Honestly, this was disappointing. But we move on and keep working...after all, the commitment we had made to God was faithfulness regardless of circumstance. But every now and then, I have wondered why...why wouldn't God give His children an abundance of wealth? We could do so much with it...why is it withheld?

Well, as so often happens, I was in church this Sunday and an answer to this question was spoken to me in the midst of the sermon. You see, the sermon this week was one of those difficult ones...dealing with the financial status of the church, and the plans to grow their ministries and facilities and the financial needs that are incorporated with those moves. Our Pastor did a very good job of showing how this very practical issue was in fact a very direct part of the life and ministry of the church--which is hard. I was a Pastor's kid before I was a Missionary's kid, and I know. When the talk turns to the checkbook, people get uncomfortable. But its important. There's not a separation between the spiritual life and worship and the financial life of the church. Our church deals with a lot of money...but (despite the best efforts of televagelists to pervert this) those funds are as much a part of the worship as the praise songs. They don't go to the Pastor's private comfort...they go to enhancing our abilities to positively change our community for Christ. Its a big deal, and its important that it be handled with care.

Well, as I listened to the sermon, I started to have the old discussion with the Lord..."Lord, why don't you give me the money to help them? I would...wouldn't it be a great praise to Your name if I (or even just *somebody*) would give the church the total sum that they need for the project before them, and instruct the church to use all the funds they had raised for the project for ministry? Wouldn't that be a good use of Your gifts?"

And as I sat and asked this question, a voice answered me...

"No Chris; that's not the way things work. If I could just give you the money to take care of them, don't you think I could just give them the money they need? The point isn't getting them the money...they are learning faith and trust and understanding a little more of My great nature by having to wait for it to come as they need it, just as you are learning to depend on me for your needs by not having everything you want given instantly to you. Of course I could do it, but then the lesson would have been missed, and their joy would be less than full. Its not about the money Chris...its about teaching all of you about Me."

It was a moment of clarity. I felt a peace I hadn't before. Of course. So obvious and simple, naturally I was too short-sighted to realize it.

Lord, grant me mercy when I presume to know the best way for my life and even for others.

All Things New

Change, for the sake of change, is not necessarily a good thing. However, there are instances in which change is exactly what is needed, whether its to prevent a familiar thing from becoming mundane, or to make my blog more interesting to look at.

Well, clearly I have changed this here blog-o-mine. I hope the new color scheme is to your liking...whoever *you* are, be you friends, strangers, or people who just cannot win an argument and so read my blog. Welcome to the new Isle!

Wowsa that was good!

Dieting can be a real irritating process. Seasons change and holidays and events arise...its hard to stay on track.

We haven't. And its frustrating. Not that we've lost all the ground we gained, but its hard to get back into the mindset. Getting your gameface on, so to speak.

Its especially hard when you find a new treat in your own neighborhood. Something with as much charm and quality as, say, Panera. I heard about this new local bakery/cafe from a friend's blog. We decided to give it try.

For $8 Sheri and I had our fill of a very good sandwhich and salad combo, and even eenjoyed free samples of one of their pizzas (they are new, so I guess they are introducing themselves to the neighborhood by way of generosity...always a sign of a business that's come to play!) I highly recommend it. Its fantastic food, and the atmosphere is great. For the genre that its competing in, I'd rate it a solid 9...with Starbucks scoring about a 7.5. If you're near a Panera, go to it. Now! Go!

Stagehand?

I am looking at getting a job as a Stagehand at the La Mirada Theatre as a supplemental job to the teaching position. If I got it...I would be leading a trip to D.C., coaching wrestling, teaching history and working in a theatre...isn't work supposed to be unpleasant?

A dilemma of faith

As a disclaimer right up front...none of this is intended to be judgemental or divisive. I am not an Anglican, so I have not felt it appropriate to comment in discussions with my Anglicans friends on what I think about the current situation...but I do have thoughts, and this being my blog, I thought it would be appropriate to air my thoughts out here. They are not limited to the question the Anglican church faces at present...that church is merely the best example right now. I've posted about this before. I recognize that I cannot give all opinions a fair hearing in my summations...I am just trying to consider what I see happening as best I can.

I have several friends that attend the Anglican Church that Sheri and I used to attend. Its a great church, though it seems to be quite solitary amidst the storms that are currently racking the Episcopal communion. For those of you that don't know, and don't care to read the articles, essentially the new leading Bishop of the ECUSA is a woman from Nevada, who is staunchly in support of homosexuality.

Reuters/AP
21, June 2006
WASHINGTON -- Newly elected leader of the US Episcopal Church Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori said yesterday she believed homosexuality was no sin and homosexuals were created by God to love people of the same gender.

The bishop of the Diocese of Nevada was elected Monday as the first woman leader of the 2.3 million-member US branch of the worldwide Anglican Communion.

Interviewed on CNN, Bishop Jefferts Schori was asked if it was a sin to be homosexual.

"I don't believe so. I believe that God creates us with different gifts. Each one of us comes into this world with a different collection of things that challenge us and things that give us joy and allow us to bless the world around us," she said.

"Some people come into this world with affections ordered toward other people of the same gender and some people come into this world with affections directed at people of the other gender."

Bishop Jefferts Schori's election seemed certain to exacerbate splits within an Episcopal church that is already deeply divided over homosexuality, with several dioceses and parishes threatening to break away.

So much so, that the Anglican Bishop of Rochester, Michael Nazir-Ali, has suggested that the issue of electing a homosexual to the position of Bishop will look like "an interesting footnote" in comparison to the agenda that comes with this newly selected leader. He, and other conservatives of the church, are demanding actions be taken by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams. It looks more and more as if a split truly will occur and rend the conservative elements from the liberal in the Anglican/Episcopalian communions.

Now, this is unquestionably a sad thing. That any church should get to this point, in a battle with its own leadership for its very soul, is a tragedy indeed. Yet the issue of "schism" is a very serious one, and the question of how this will resolve itself is dreaded by many who fear that the only solution will be a split.

Here is my problem...I do not understand how "breaking" with a woman that holds her own philosophy over what is plainly said in the word of God is anything less than what we do with any other person who is in fact lauding a falsehood as truth. We recognize that there is a separation between us and them...not to keep them at arm's length, but to make it plain that they do not speak for the true followers of Christ.

If property rights come up as a result...so be it. But that cannot be the basis for action or inaction.

Neither can the question of standing for the right, even if it means separating, revolve around whether or not it makes people like us.

And it certainly cannot revolve around the question of the authority of the individuals of the church to stand and reject those in authority, if and when they (those in authority) have lost their way.

The authority of the church resides in its continued faithfulness to the word of God. If that fades, so does the authority of the church, and regardless of the title that precedes someone's name, any Christian founded in the word of God may and should challenge someone who is claiming to be representatives of God's word while ignoring the teachings found within.

I don't think peace and unity are to be cast aside with reckless abandon. But neither do I think you should hold tightly to the name of a church or denomination when that church or denomination has lost its way. All are either followers of Christ or they are merely lost and dying. You say you follow Paul, I say Peter...but both Peter and Paul had better be following Christ or its all for naught; and if either of them isn't following Christ then we should challenge them and if they won't repent we take on the lead, letting them lay where they fell.

Redemption for those that choose heresy over the truth is possible...but that cannot compromise the mission of the Church, which (whatever name it goes by) is to stand as a light of Christ's truth, love, justice & mercy. You cannot be a light when those that share your name are continually dragging the light through the mud and the mire.

I realize that there are always conflicts within the Church. Stupid people do stupid things all the time that shame the name of Christ. I know I have! But this is a specific instance where the lines should be clear: liberals in the Anglican church would see the leadership evolve the church into something it is not. If the leaders won't repent, they can no longer lead. If they say you have abandoned the church and cannot call yourselves members of that body any longer, so be it. They have left the faith, and are not a part of Christ's Body. But a middle ground is unacceptable. The time comes to separate the wheat from the chaff. Human institutions fade away; the only ties that truly bind are eternal in nature and they don't revolve around institutions or manmade systems.

Sigh. I have concluded, as I have said earlier, that I am not an Anglican. I am a Protestant Evangelical. Perhaps I cannot appreciate this problem to its fullest extent. I know that there are problems (deep seeded problems) with the Protestant traditions...there are reasons there are multiple forms of the Baptist church! Still, I don't think that you must live with one sickness to avoid the other. I think its possible to stand and even divide over the right issues if need be, and not devolve into a chaotic and schism filled mess. If the Lord is leading, I must believe that by breaking with those that have abandoned Him, you will prosper. I know I have seen that to be true in my parent's lives.

I am praying for my brothers and sisters that are facing this test. It is a difficult time and I don't envy their choice. May God be glorified in spite of us, and may we follow after Him in spite of ourselves.

If you read this and you're involved in this discussion actively...I hope you understand the spirit it was written in. I don't think this is a pleasant choice to have to make. I just think there is a clearly right and a clearly wrong option. That probably sounds naive. When are things black and white, right or wrong? I guess, I think they enter that place when it comes down to the presence of truth...is it there or not? I have said before, I am a truth person; I value truth over most things. Perhaps that's a fault...I like to hope that I value truth and use it to give me insight into how best to love and achieve peace...but I know what I am and what I have a tendency to be. This new presiding Bishop has forsaken the truth, claiming its in the name of love. That's the sign...its black and white. Speak and stand for the Truth in Love...if that costs Peace, that is the price. Peace in this world is not the goal.

Leaving On a Jet Plane

Well...in little less then a year from now...I will be...

See, I got a job teaching at this school. I'm their Middle School History teacher. I also cover 6th grade math...defying all my middle school and high school teacher's guesses as to what I would do when I got all growed up. Better still, every Monday and Tuesday from 2pm-3pm I will be teaching/coaching a wrestling elective. After 6 years I have finally found my way back to the mats, making me very happy indeed.

There are many things that make me happy about this position, as I have mentioned in previous posts. I am working with my old roomie and groomsman, Justin Rupple. I will have a permanent classroom to decorate, and my own desk (possibly my own office) away from the classroom. The wrestling is a big deal...my shoes have begun to despair of being used again. But most of all is the unexpected bonus...

you see...

every year...

the eighth graders...

have a trip...

to one of my favorite places in the world...

for ten days...

and come next March...

it will actually be part of my job...

for which they will actually be paying me...

to help oversee...

a trip to...

THE CITY OF WASHINGTON IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA!!!

The trip will include a visit to Jamestown (been there), Williamsburg (been there), Monticello (been there), Gettysburg (driven through it and looked at it as it passed by), and Philadephila (which I have never visited).

Since finding out about this incredible perk...I honestly haven't been able to think about much else. Its nearly a year away, but I feel like a kid the week before Christmas...it doesn't matter how long the wait is...when the waiting is done its going to be SOOOOO worth it!!!

This trip combines many of my favorite things in the world...I love being in places like Jamestown and Gettysburg...and I love traveling...I love staying in hotels...I love traveling with groups that get to experience amazing things together...and, of course, I love Washington D.C. Its possibly my favorite city in the world. Its the closest we have to old Europe in the New World, with monuments and marble everywhere. A testament to the enduring affect of buildings that are not merely practical, but are majestic.

Plus...as a history/politics buff, it only makes sense that I would gravitate towards the center of our nation's mind and history. Even though most things haven't happened there, they started there. And often, many things that happen elsewhere end up being celebrated there in museums or monuments. My dad used to take us to D.C. a lot...a lot. My memories are completely peppered by images of standing either in the spot where John Wilkes Booth ended the life of one of our greatest leaders and imagining what those moments of terror for everyone around Lincoln must have been like, or of standing in from of the ruined bones of the sunken ship in the Museum of American History, imagining what it would have been like to stand on the deck as the cannonballs ripped through the hull, or simply looking at the giant marble image of the giant man we knew as Honest Abe (I'm a Lincoln fan, if you haven't guessed). Its part of why I love history...it wasn't a text book, it was in front of me and I could let my imagination take flight at the thought of actually living in that moment in time.

I also love being in a city with a Metro that is effective. I love being in an East Coast city, where people are focused on life (they could stand to relax more...but its refreshing from the laid back nature of California). I just...love it all.

And I cannot get it out of my mind. I tell Sheri every couple of hours, just to make sure she understands...I am going to Washington D.C. If all my dreams come true someday I will have a job that involves working in that city...something in my field, of course. I could go be a janitor...but, well, lets just say that's not the dream.

Though my Dad recently told me that while he was in Bible college not 25 minutes (a metro ride) outside of D.C. in Maryland, he applied for a job as a night security guard of the Smithsonians. I'm like him...he's like me...that's a dream job, at least, for a single guy it is. Unlimited access to the museums, no crowds, D.C. at night. It doesn't get much better than that. He didn't get it...which, it turns out, was a good thing. He said he might have quit Bible school if that had come through. Life would have been very different indeed.

Oh...and also, I am looking forward to having one of my favorite slices of pizza, located at the back end of the food court under Union Station. Easily one of the best pizzas I've had, and one of the other special parts of the D.C. experience.

Ah. I am going to D.C. Rock ON.

Young At Heart

Being a father has interesting affects.

Some days I have never felt quite so old. I am only 23, yet I am nearly constantly tired...a feature I have noticed goes hand-in-hand with being the parent of a toddler. I also don't bother getting dressed up for most things...Sheri and I managed a date the other day for our Anniversary (thanks Becka!) and it was the first time when it wasn't for church that we got moderately snazy looking. And dates come with increasingly less frequency. Money is almost not a concern; we don't have the time. Dates, real dates, where we go out by ourselves and do whatever we like...those happen maybe once every 4 months or so. I want to change that rule though...our last one revived us so much we were amazed.

There are those days.

Then there are other days.

Some days I haven't felt this truly young since I was, well, young. When I could do anything physically, when my time was my own (provided home work was taken care of) and when there were still fresh wonders to be discovered in this old world. I remember hanging off the back of a Jeetney, relishing the feel of the wind and singing, or walking on the shores of beaches around the world and looking out at the horizon and trying to understand the immense power of nature while playing in the waves. I remember visiting zoos and aquariums for the first time, seeing animals that were strange and wonderful, like tigers, exotic birds and sharks.

And as I watch my son grow, I taste these experiences again.

His latest delight is birds. He loves birds. Whenever we leave the house he immediately turns his gaze to the sky and points at the birds flying overhead. His clear, high voice joyfully recognizes them as "Ba!" and his eyes are full of the light of life as he traces their flight across the sky. He'll hold his hands together and swing from side to side because his exhilaration is too much to contain.

The other day, some sparrows that had made their nest in the awnings of our apartment building were having a big day. Their hatchlings were learning to fly. One of them was on the ground as Aiden and I came home. We came to see what was going on. The young sparrow couldn't quite fly yet, so he hopped around trying to avoid the large intruders. We watched him for a moment, and Aiden couldn't stop smiling and whispering his secret to himself "There's a BIRD right there and its not flying away!!!" At least, that's what it sounded like to me.

My son keeps me young even as he makes me feel and, in truth, grow older.

Funny Funny Funny

3 years

I would be remiss if, having a blog, I did not use it to make note of a historical event. This is our third anniversary. Three years of marital bliss.

It has only gotten better. Thank you God, for blessing our marriage and for protecting us from ourselves. Without you, Lord, this endeavor would have failed before it began. But by Your gracious goodness, I am married to a beautiful and Godly woman, who is truly my match. Thank you Lord.

Oh, and happy flag day everybody else.

Could you please?

Yes, please, just jam this sharp object up into my eye. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. The blinding pain totally blocks out your voice. I feel much better now.

Well, maybe its not quite that bad...but almost.

Mark Y Mark have struck again. Two Marks, talking online (Bubbs) about a variety of political/social/even theological issues continue to awe me with their lack of compassion and etiquette. One of these was the one that branded me a liberal, and the other is the one that likes to use big arguments to say simple things that are incoherant even when said simply.

I am at my wit's end.

I have to believe that its possible to hold traditional, conservative views without being represented by people that enjoy eating dinner while watching pictures of Zarqawi's corpse on T.V.

Sigh.

On a plus side...the joint attacks of Puck and I continue. Its might almost be a little creepy if it wasn't so much fun and encouraging. We disagree, but not enough that either of us has lost our minds, and when arguing with people like Mark Y Mark we get to appreciate the other's opinions, which in many ways compliment our own. That's a really good thing I think. If we could convince more politicians to try it our country might be a better place.

Martyrdom

I just finished watching The Mission, a 1986 movie with Robert De Niro, Jeremy Irons, and even a young Liam Neeson (on a brief side note...Liam...such a cool name. If only my last name wasn't "Leigh"...Aiden might have been named Liam, but "Liam Leigh" just doesn't sound quite right...its short for William, so its still a possibility, but I dunno...).

This was a good movie. If you haven't seen it and don't want to know anything about it...stop reading. Now. I am not responsible for spoiling the movie after this point.

Briefly, it takes place in the context of the 18th century, and the Jesuits in South America are fighting with Portugal and Spain over the territory of their missions in the new world. In the process, the stories of two very different men are told. One, a Jesuit Priest (Irons) who founded the newest mission in the midst of Indians who had martyred one of his fellow Jesuits at the very beginning of the movie. The other (De Niro) is a mercenary and a slaver who evenutally becomes a Jesuit. As the conflict comes to a climax, and the missions are to be destroyed and the Indians must flee or be enslaved or killed, the question arises between these two men...what is the appropriate response for Godly men to this problem.

The Priest says to love. The Mercenary says to fight. Both men die. The Priest leads the Indians that don't fight (mostly women and children) in worship until they are gunned down at they sings praises. The Mercenary fights to the end, and gets himself killed trying to save children from the slaughter.

Now, clearly, one question this movies asks is on the nature of love and mercy and justice. Before the final conflict, the Priest denies his blessing to the Mercenary, saying that if "Might makes Right, then perhaps there is no place for Love in this earth". That is a huge question...is there no relation between love and might? But I digress. More directly stated (and more central to the inspiration of this post) is the question of martyrdom.

What does it mean to be a martyr?

Honestly, this story, like the story of Jim Elliot and Nate Saint, makes me wonder where the line is between martyrdom and suicide. Is there a line at all, or is martyrdom merely sanctioned suicide? You allow yourself to die as a martyr, though you might have avoided that end by making different choices along the way...how do we know those choices are the right ones?

Are you a martyr when you stand for your faith and die as a result? Would that disqualify the Mercenary, who did not stand to meet his death, but fought back, as a martyr?

Are you a martyr when you choose to choose death? If you could avoid death without tainting your testimony...should you? Clearly, the message a man sends when he relinquishes freely that which we prize above all other things (the brief period here we call life) is powerful...and even if he could survive without tainting his testimony, the echo of the martyr's message is often more powerful than the words he spoke while alive.

This sparks an internal debate within me...

I have to wonder how we can justify chosing the time and place of our deaths? I know this might be simplifying the issue...but it seems to me that men that *choose* to become martyrs are skipping a step...isn't that supposed to be something forced on them?

I counter myself, saying that they aren't "choosing death", but merely choosing to accept it as it comes.

That is true, I tell myself. Yet when you willingly go the place of death, or when you walk out to be shot at...aren't you choosing deliberately to die?

Still, I come back again, did Paul choose death or obedience? He went to Jerusalem, despite direct warnings that in so doing he would ultimately end his life. Surely his martyrdom was pure service to Christ, not tainted with personal ambition. Neither was it suicide--he died in service to God.

I think the bold "me" is more convincing than the italic "me".

This reminds me of the discussion of courage from Laches. "What is courage? Is it courage when you feel no fear?"

Is it martyrdom when you need not die? Or is that what makes it martyrdom? Is it, by its very nature, a unnecessary sacrifice for something greater than your own life? Is this difficult quality the thing that separates it from other sacrificial deaths, such as those that die in battle for others?

I thought a lot about this while studying at Torrey Berkeley in the Summer of 2004 and reading Foxe's Book of Martyrs. Its a good question, I think, to think on.

You know you're a Dad when...

...Sesame Street invades your dreams.

I dreamed that, among others, Elmo (who I don't even like!) and Big Bird and Ernie were having an adventure. Letters of the Day were involved, as well as a game of "Journey to Ernie"...

The first time in almost...20 years(?) that that has happened to me. A little disturbing.

But it makes me happy that Sesame Street is Aiden's favorite show. He doesn't like cartoons. He doesn't like the hippy-kids show "Its a Big Big World" (on this show, they actually say things like "Well if it feels good, it can't be wrong!" and teach kids evolution...an evil show with puppets). He DOESN'T like Barney (YAY!)!

Just Sesame Street. I need to try and track down the old Sesame Street movies, before the Elmo invasion (I loathe Elmo...he's the closest thing to ruining Sesame Street)...things like "Follow That Bird!" & "Big Bird in China" & "Big Bird in Japan".

Maybe I'm still riding high on rediscovering childhood favorites...but one of my goals for this Summer is to track down these movies and have them ready for Aiden to enjoy. He'll enjoy them, and until he can...I, apparently, am really enjoying Sesame Street's re-entrance into my life.

You know you're a Dad when, right?

Done & Done!

Last day of classes at the GLC.

To say its nice to be done is an understatement.

I wore an Aloha shirt and shorts to class today. I think that says it all.

Soup, anyone?

We went to the La Mirada City Library yesterday.

Its been years since I had a regular library card, at a normal library complete with children's books, Young Adult, etc. Whenever I have the chance, I like to catch up on old friends. So, yesterday I took a few minutes to walk the aisles of the children's section, looking for the books I used to covet when I was in elementary school.

And then it dawned on me.

They'll have Soup.

Soup was one of my favorites growing up.

Soup on Ice.

Soup in Love.

Soup on Fire.

Soup & Me.

Soup's Uncle

I really enjoyed Robert Newton Peck's writing. Though it wasn't a "Soup" book, A Day No Pigs Would Die was also a book that left a lasting impression on my childhood.

Interestingly, as I looked up links for all of these classics, I found yet another that I may have to revisit now that I have a library card...How to Eat Fried Worms.

Then there's Freckle Juice.

Its amazing what you can find when you start down the path.

Oh you fickle, fickle life...

Life, as they say, is a fickle thing.

Everytime you think you know where you are, and where you're going...something changes drastically and nothing is the same as it was. A direct affect of undulation, as Lewis called it. As temporal, shifting beings ourselves, we are subject to the constant shifting of the tides in our lives.

For a long time I have worried about the fickle nature of life. I tend to be decisive...to a point. When the critical moment comes and I have to decide, I will. But in the lead up to that moment, I have had problems at times being at peace with the potential choices I might or might not have to make. Its the potentials that bog me down.

Which is why I think a real lesson that has been coming up again and again of late has been to live for the moment in the best sense. To perceive that neither the past or the future are in my hands...and worrying about either of them only costs me peace now.

I have gone from one extreme to the other. Having failed in attempts near and dear to my heart in the past, I lived under the poisonous cloud of regret. No sooner did that cloud disapate but I learned to worry about what might happen (an easy pitfall for us at this point...we hang by a thread on the edge of a knife). And in every moment the challenge of reveling in what today offers was something I could not appreciate.

Yet, that is the answer I was looking for I think. Only by embracing today can I make yesterday matter...or lay the foundations for tomorrow's challenges. This is a Summer of transition for us, and as in all transitions its easy to focus on what we do not have but need in order to accomplish this transition. But this time, instead of looking out over the entire picture of what I think the future holds, I am trying to accomplish each day's task within that day. Its actually frustrating and a little painful to reign in my considerations...but the peace that accompanies it is a soothing balm to this irritation. Relinquishing control I was never able to maintain feels good!

Greatest Idea Ever?

This sounds like it might be fantastic.

I am skeptical...but part of me really wishes I had the money to go and see what its all about. They've already done one thing very right...they chose a tropical paradise.

Brave new worlds always do better when set in a tropical paradise.

Just let me do my job, and nobody gets hurt...

Work is a funny thing.

You need to have some to do...at least, if you're like me you do. When you don't, things get bad; you start to disappear into the "free time" void. It helps to have something keeping you going...a purpose, an environment where there are goals and expectations...even a little competition. Its not the highlight of my day...but its a necessity nonetheless. Which is why its really aggrevating to have my ability to work properly thwarted.

Well, as you know, I work a couple of different jobs. Teaching very part-time is one of them. Its become more part-time than it originally was. I started out teaching high school U.S. history and middle school World history at the Gorman Learning Center. The Gorman Learning Center is essentially a program for home-schooled kids to get formalized classroom educations, allowing the parents to have a direct say in the education, but freeing them up from the responsibility of understanding the special details of every subject (math, history, etc). Sounds like a good idea, right?

Well, in theory, yes, I think so. In practice, no, not so much--at least in my experience.

First of all, I have no accountability when it comes to how the students perform in class. I teach "enrichment classes", which account for something like 20% of the grade...and most kids don't sweat that 20%. So I don't have the leverage of grades. I also cannot give detentions...there's no systym in place for such disciplinary actions. Once again, no leverage. And, I cannot assign real work or demand real attention to my subject. When I do that, kids complain to their parents and get themselves pulled out of my class. No leverage there either...and I actually lost one of my classes, resulting in a real cut in pay. I put myself out of work by trying to do the job I was being paid to do.

Its kinda ridiculous really. I get paid $28/hr. I get paid for 2 1/2 hours every week at this place, now that I lost a class, which rounds out to roughly $120-$130 every paycheck (subtracting taxes, of course). Well, while I am teaching, we have to pay someone to watch Aiden...about $50 a day. So every two weeks I receive a paycheck for roughly $125, and every two weeks we pay someone $100 to watch Aiden so I can earn that money. The gas it takes to transport Aiden to and from babysitting, and me to school takes easily half a tank of gas...so I spend everything (and probably more) that I make from this unsatisfying job trying to make it possible for me to continue working there.

If I had more than 1 week left, I might care enough to quit. For now, we maintain the status quo, and I learn an important lesson...I honored my commitment to provide classes for this group, even when they broke their promise to ensure I would have these classes. Never again.

Venti Java Chip Frappichino, with Whipped Cream, Extra Chips and Malt!

A good title after the one all about dieting, I think.

So, I felt it was time once again to impart the wisdom I have attained while working at Starbucks to my adoring "readers" (i.e. those who randomly stumble across this blog and find they cannot help reading something before quickly passing on to the wider, and apparently much more interesting blogosphere elsewhere...)

So, if you take nothing else away from this blog, heed me now if you love your Starbucks: I can save you money!

You might ask..."Why, Chris, are you interested in actually saving us, your customers, money?"

Well, say I, its because I don't care about how much money you spend at Starbucks, in the sense that I don't care if you get away with getting a deal or not. I like making samples for people (when we're not crazy busy). I like upgrading people when they didn't ask for it...assuming they would actually enjoy a larger drink (some people really don't, and that then becomes a little embarrassing...) And should you visit me in my little store and ask for a drink that comes with a topping of caramel, mocha, blackberry, etc, I like to make sure that your topping is generous.

You paid for it...why shouldn't you think its well worth the $5 you spent on a drink? More importantly...I have to make your drinks either way...and I don't get paid more or less for being nice to you. So why not be nice?

A minor detail...if you tip me...wow, are you gonna be treated well--if at all possible, it will be the best drink you've ever had at Starbucks.

So, listen up...these tips are good. All drinks I am mentioning are blended or iced..hot drinks are harder to cheat with.

****As a disclaimer, every Starbucks is subjective to the baristas working at the time. If you get mean or stressed people, they may not look kindly on your attempts to make your dollars stretch further. Still, my tips are entirely legal, and in general should cause no further trouble than adding another thing for you to remember with your complicated frap order.****

1.) When you want to provide fraps for multiple people, but would rather not pay around $4 per person...buy your drinks in Venti size, and instruct the barista to split the drinks into two tall cups. Here's the secret...a Venti is pretty much exactly two talls. Two talls cost $6.60. One Venti costs $3.95-$4.15. You do the math.

2.) This one is important for everyone that doesn't order a Venti...always order your drink and request that they serve it in the next largest size cup. So, if you order a tall, request it in a Grande cup, for a Grande drink, a Venti cup. The reason this is a great tip is this: the frap mix always prepares more than is actually needed to fill your cup. This excess gets thrown away. By ordering a larger cup you pay the price of the smaller drink, but you'll end up with nearly the same amount as the larger drink, because the barista will usually dump the entire contents of the blender into your larger cup. A savings of smaller proportions than the first, but still a savings nonetheless.

3.) Finally, this one is much less sneaky (we'll know what you're doing...but what do you care?), but when you want an iced latte, order shots over ice. Its cheaper than a Latte, and we have milk available for your personal use at the bar (the place with the napkins, cinnamon, etc). Since you wanted a cold drink anyways, you save yourself something like $0.30...but in my way of thinking, every $0.30 saved helps buy that next $4 Frappichino, right?

This concludes this segment of "Tips From a Barista". It seems only fair you reciprocate...where are all you Best Buy employees who'll tell me how to get a free Laptop? I'll settle for a Palm Pilot...

The science and theology of Dieting

As I mentioned in a previous post, health has become a central issue of concern in our lives.

For a long time we went the strict route. Exercise and zero carbs, zero sugars, zero anything. Meat & veggies. Normally that stage lasts only two weeks...we stretched it out for six. It had results in how we felt and what we looked like and what we weighed. We were encouraged.

We decided that that is not "real life" though, and so we've begun to integrate regular foods into the diet again, via Weight Watchers points method. We've held steady so far, neither progressing or regressing. We're going to give it another week to see how it goes...this week involved certain events that negated our efforts to go to the next step. Eating a scone or sharing a meal with friends can sabotage a diet like nothing else!

This is where the science comes in. For a person my size, I have 24 "points" of food available to me a day, to keep losing weight. There are things you can do to increase that number--exercise, and you get a few extra points. And every week you get a certain amount of flex points to allow for indulgences along the way. But generally, you wanna keep it at your mark or below. Well, today I was looking through the "eating out" guide to figure out what we are looking at when we go out to eat. Its shocking, and a little disturbing when I think about how I was eating before I started to diet.

A piece of cheese pizza at Papa John's is about 1/3 of my entire daily allowance of points. At Pizza Hut, its a little less--only 6 points per slice of cheese pizza. Previously, I would easily down between 3-4 pieces without thinking about it. An order of large fries is half the daily allowance. A steak from Sizzler is 17 points. A Cispy Cream Donut is 5 points.

Its frightening to think that, at certain times, I could eat what amounts to two or three times my alloted portions without flinching. Now I regularly top out at around 22-24 points. It feels good to see progress...but its frustrating to realize just how easily I sabotaged myself for so long.

And now comes the theology. Throughout all of this I have found an odd thing to be true. My motivation is not my own vanity. Its not a desire to look good. Its not a desire to make myself safe through health. Its not even the far flung hope of someday rising to my old healthy status in order to overcome a personal Everest.

What motivates me (to my complete surprise) is a lesson from Screwtape...that my self-discipline in the merely physical things has a profound affect on my spiritual discipline. The santification of my soul makes me say no to the desires of my stomach. When I think about cheating (and nobody would know) I think about Sheri. Would I leave her? I think about Aiden...will I willingly fail him? My Lord...would I deny Him when its convenient?

I don't write this because I think I am "cool" for finding this to be proper motivation. I am honestly surprised that I have been so profoundly impacted by this lesson. In all honesty, I have tried to fast before, claiming other motivations, but in reality hoping for a quick fix to a weight problem. But now...weight seems (admittedly not always, but more often than ever before) to be merely a side issue...and the question of whether I can master my appetites is the real issue on the table, so to speak.

SO we press onwards. We say "No" when we would enjoy something, because pleasure is not everything its cracked up to be. We make ourselves work out and run, even when it hurts. My joints ache in a way they haven't since I was in the ROTC. Fortunately, my shins remain intact and healthy as far as I can tell. My knees and my shoulder, old injuries dating back to the mats of the wrestling room, are a different story.

But with this *new* reason pushing us forward, I am not discouraged when these difficulties arise. I take my time and keep working. It is, in an odd way, a work of praise and devotion to God. Seeing it in that light, whatever I can or cannot do is enabled by Him and so I can merely do what I am able to do.

Contracted...

Its official. I've signed a contract to work for Santa Fe Springs Christian Middle School. Teaching part time through the next year, covering 6th-8th grade history, spanning from Ancient to U.S. history.

I get to work with my former room-mate and groomsman, Justin Rupple. It is the same school the my niece, Chole Winter, attends.

All in all, I am happy. I am very excited about this opportunity.

Now, lest you think this answers all prayers...God has been good, but has apparently decided that I will profit from having more than one job next year. So pray that the next job makes itself known sooner rather than later. We'll need roughly $1000/month on top of what I will be making at the school. And we'll need child-care for Aiden. We've accepted that we may have to borrow money to pay for child-care...a thought which doesn't give us much comfort. But God will provide.

So praise be to God for His provision in this. Praise Him for what He will do to meet the rest of our needs. As the needs arise, the means will come to meet those needs.

Middle Schoolers ignorant of history beware...I am contracted.

Life is Where You are...

Well, I took my Lady
To the top of a mountain--
We hung our feet over
All creation.
And we agreed--
That the sight was beautiful.
And we agreed--
That tomorrow, it'd be a memory.

And as far as we could see--
It was all that we could be--
But the land had seen lovers come and go before...

Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.

She said, "Think about
The greatest day in your life--
The day when you were longing for the sun to rise.
You said, "Hey this is Life
I've been lookin for..."
And you groaned as the shadows,
They fell to the floor."

And up on that mountain,
We saw our days
Rise like a vapor
And float away...

Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.
Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.
Talking about Life...

Think of all the times--think of all the times--
When you've dreamed of being somebody, somewhere in another time.
And you've closed your eyes been swallowed by sleep,
And your secret desires, they rise from the deep.
You say, "I wish I were somebody, somewhere else!"
Cause life looks so real from where they are...
But I tell ya...

Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.
Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.
Talking about Life...

We're all looking for security
Its the basic drug of human need.
Well, I've lost faith in things that fade
Or things that broken or taken away.

And up on that mountain,
We saw our days
Rise like a vapor
And float away...

Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.
Life is where you are...oh, Life is where you are.
Talking about Life...

~Paul Coleman, Life is Where You Are

Blog-Marketers...

You write this stupid long post about whatever it is that makes your brain tweak at the time...you leave your computer for a day or two, come back to your blog, almost not daring to hope...but, no, there IS a comment waiting for you. Expectantly you click the icon to see what someone thought of your thoughts...

...and its an ad for some worthless get-rich-quick-and-easy scheme.

Well, no more! Forgive me, but if you want to comment, you'll have to identify yourself as an actual person from now on. Actual people advertising in comments can keep doing it I guess...its their lives they're wasting. But no more Bots spamming me! Enough! Finito! Done & Done! Finished!