The Sound of Silence

This has been one of the theme songs for our life over the past few years.

Maybe its because I have now lived in California longer than I have ever lived in one place.

Maybe its because I have been waiting for 3 years to be able to start thinking about my next step, and this is the summer when that happens.

Maybe its because I am planning trips for the future, and wish the future was now.

Maybe its because I suddenly found 60+ friends from the past decade or so on Facebook...my friend total is currently up to 318...these friends range from old neighbors and acquaintances, to childhood best friends, to friends I made in a summer in high school, to college roommates, to mentors and coaches, teammates, work associates, and even a few old "enemies." They have pictures, and lives I know nothing about...but they stir up nostalgia like something crazy within me. This new surge of connections has excited me so much that I am fairly certain that most the people I have had contact with recently believe I must be a facebook addict...I'm really not...I just get really excited about finding old friends!

Maybe its because I had been hoping to be doing one of the things I love next year...and now it looks very like I will have to keep on keeping on where I am at, for at least another year and a half. Thank you California, for spending so much that you are actually laying off teachers, even while complaining of having a teaching shortage!

Maybe I have Restless Leg Syndrome...

Maybe I am just a restless person that needs to learn what peace is.

The bottom line is, I am restless.

I suspect the answer is not to ruminate on the possibilities I am not/cannot partake in at present. Actually, the best solution I have found revolves around less real action. Taking more time to read, more time to find catharsis through writing...more silence.

This is one of the few things that music does NOT help, which is difficult because I really like music...listening to music gets me through my day of data-entry. Still, there is no denying that music is extremely emotional, and each song only conjures more memories, more dreams, more restlessness.

So, I need silence. Now the question is...can I allow myself to have silence?