Semi-Charmed Life

Its cliche, I know, but I haven't written in a while and I needed a title...sue me.

I am tired of being in between stages of life--always developing, never being. It used to be that when I felt like this, there was some "event" coming up that I could throw my energy into (in point of fact, often the event was the source of the angst)...but now I am anxious over life. How tiring.

Disatisfaction is...disatisfying. Heh...I am tired. I am signed up to take the CBEST on June 18th. I'm applying for jobs anywhere that it looks like it might pay enough to support us...and I am dealing with the reality that whatever else may happen, I may not be doing any of the things that I would love to do in the near future (at least, not full-time) because it just doesn't seem possible that everything will work out. Do what I love AND get paid well for it?!?! Not likely...or so I am coming to see.

Generally I like to think that I have lived a charmed life, and partly as a result, imho, I am generally an optimist. A realist...but an optimistic realist--the reality of life is that there are problems but there's also a loving God. And I've had a good time...never broken a bone...never gotten terribly sick...usually get more than I deserve--including Sheri and Aiden...but getting through the stress of establishing yourself in life is daunting even for me. Too many things would have to simply fall into place.

However...I DID just get an i-Pod as a Graduation present, and the music has been playing constantly ever since. Nothing can be too daunting when the music's playing, right?

I think there is something to the myth that song is at the heart of the universe. The peace that comes from the harmonies and melodies--from the simple beat--of a favorite song is more calming than any nap, hot chocolate, sunny afternoon...apart from the rare chance to lose yourself in unspoilt nature, music is one of the best chances of touching something deeper than your own petty thoughts. Therapy for the soul...and a lot of fun for the rest of you.