Welcome to the High Country

Its Summer. That much is obvious. The signs of the times are everywhere...

We wear tank tops, all day, every day.

We wear shorts, all day, every day--sometimes to church (one of the few actual positive aspects of living in SoCal...this is acceptable and during the Summer its nearly a necessity...whether you should wear shorts or not).

We go swimming, pools and the beach.

We do the BBQ (last night actually...if you didn't, all I can say is, very likely my dinner was better than yours).

Frappuccinos are more in style than ever.

And chances are, if you're young, in love, and possibly done with school, you're getting married. Because this is the season of weddings.

Now, it might seem odd that *I* would be writing about weddings. I am, after all, a guy. And I am married--have been for three years now--what possible reason could I have to think about weddings? Sheri and I aren't renewing our vows after three years (how wierd and self-involved would that service be? Everyone would be thinking..."Weren't we just here?")

No.

I am thinking about weddings because, as might be expected, I have several friends that have either gotten married this Summer or are scheduled to do so before the end of the season. And having lived through this mayhem, I know what they are experiencing. Its a nightmare. Having survived this nightmare, I thought I would share my wisdom.

Now, first, as an important disclaimer...when I say weddings are a nightmare, I don't mean that I hated ours. I loved our wedding...it was excellent. My wife was amazing and her vision for that day was beautiful...and it is a thing of beauty that we will always share. I honestly don't think there were many things we would have changed about how it went, even in retrospect.

No, when I say, "Its a nightmare." what I mean, of course, is that the build-up to the wedding is essentially purgatory for the heaven that awaits. Its worse than anything anyone that is going to get married could have anticipated for such a joyous occasion. Even in the best of circumstances...nothing is easy when it comes to weddings.

I honestly think its a little amazing you manage to get married and still have family and friends that want to talk to you. Referencing my earlier disclaimer...our family and friends were incredibly generous and helpful. I merely wonder how we all managed to survive and still like each other afterwards.

Because there are so many opportunities for disaster on the road to the wedding, a lot of them revolving around two basic questions: who is involved with what, and the issue of thanking everyone for everything. Which family hosts what events. What friends play which part--do they earn a spot in the wedding party or not?, etc. And then, the "thank you"'s, which you'd better do or you'll probably burn in hell. At least, you'll probably burn in effigy. Oh yes, don't neglect the thank you's...

Gifts as a whole are a sticky issue. The family and friends...they look on it as "Well, I am giving something, they should be grateful!" And for the couple, they are thinking "If you want to give us something, can't you give us things we need or have asked for?" Both are valid points, and both will bring up stress and tension where none should exist. The reality of the situation is, gifts are gifts. But wedding gifts carry more baggage than the newly-weds will on their honeymoon.

Hoo-boy its a mess. The wind-up in the week before is truly insane. Depending on what type of people are involved in the wedding, there may be more tears or more yelling or more stressful multi-tasking than there will ever be again (at least, in the next three years). I spent one on the two days before my wedding driving all over L.A. getting stuff that should have been conveniently located in our neighborhood. Things like this are unavoidable and will inevitably add to the stress that is wearing on everyone.

The day itself, from my experience, flies by. And it is remarkably stress free until the church doors open and the bride steps through the archways. At that moment...well, lets say that in my experience that's the moment most grooms tend to almost unhinge...in a good way, of course. Cause she's actually there...and there's something really incredible about that. At that moment...(I clarify for the sake of my wife) the groom feels very much as if he cannot stand any longer...wants to shout out loud with joy...wants to ditch the whole thing and run away with the beautiful woman walking down the asile to him...all at once. We unhinge...only for a moment and mostly only internally. Now I sound like a girl, gushing. Sheesh.

And the reward for all the stress and build-up of the wedding prep? Sex. Yes, sex...and a new life. Getting used to another person in an entirely new way and coming to understand what a lifetime commitment means...which will, inevitably, be accompanied by its own special type of stress and difficulties.

Marriage is difficult. Getting married is quite hard...not harder than marriage itself, but the whole thing is a difficult thing.

But fear not! The wisdom of one that has been happily wed for 3+ years is this: for all the hard parts...marriage is worth it all and more. Its the high country...and its not easy to get to the high country...its not even easy to survive in the high country...but it can be done. And when you do it...wow is the high country a good country.

Good luck to all you newly wed and soon-to-be newly weds! God bless and keep you in this new chapter of your lives! And don't worry...the wedding and the newly wed ear of your life doesn't last forever...enjoy it for what its worth and endure the hard parts for the good that comes after them!