Yearning and Burning

As I am now in the midst of the school year, and already having to navigate through parent/teacher meetings, I can remember very clearly my parents encouraging me to be proactive, not reactive, in nature. To lead, rather than follow in life. As a student who found school a general waste of time (until high school...then it was the math, science, keyboarding, and other practical classes that were wasting my time...until I could get to photo, Literature, History, choir, pottery, etc...and then theatre & wrestling after school...) I was frequently on the receiving end of discussions aiming to change my behavior in a positive way. To get me to focus, to work hard...to strive as if I cared.

The problem was...I didn't. I didn't understand how or why it mattered...it was just boring and difficult (Algebra II) or too easy to bother working hard (History and Lit).

Coming to college, many things changed. Part of growing up involved learning to take pride in my work. Part of winning the heart of a girl-genius-nurse meant no longer being content with my slacker status. Part of trying to find meaningful connections with people meant I had to be someone thoughtful people wanted to talk to...which meant thinking more myself. I did not suddenly become a brilliant student...it is safe to say I am a better student (in some ways) 4 years after school ended than I was during my time at Biola and Torrey.

Part of it revolves around the cultivation of a real earnest desire to grow and change. I am not saying this in a self-congratulatory manner; my desires are deeply flawed. At more than one point, a spirit of competition and envy for the excellence of my fellows drove me far more than my desire to find the good, the true, or beauty. Fortunately, while still suffering from my own soul-sickness, I was emersed in good things. By God's grace, some things began to catch...and I started to yearn for good things, true things, beautiful things, rather than other things. To yearn for real things, and choose them over false pleasures and vain things.

How do we stoke our hearts to yearn for the things of the Lord? How do we turn our souls to seek the Lord...how can we emerse ourselves in Him, long enough to extinguish the misguided pangs that would distract us from the real things that can change who we are?

Lord God have mercy on us; find us when we are lost, draw us to you, even as we seek after our own desires.