Hail Theophilus (as was)...

I was driving to work the other night and my thoughts drifted to you old friend. How you are, even where you are, I do not know. But I prayed for you brother.

I wonder how we would have changed if we had seen this life we have grown into when we were still boys? I wonder if we could have avoided the pitfalls that caught us in our flight? Each failed attempt to soar reveals a truth about ourselves, but at a cost. I wonder if the cost was too much for you?

In many ways we were lost before we began this life. We've traveled the world but we've never known home. We came from families of love but did not fully understand enough of what made it work. And sometimes it didn't work. I wonder if your parents knew what they cost you?

I wonder, brother, how you fell? How you lost the love for the things of God that bound us together as brothers? I wonder when the allure of the world that tempted you lost its flavor...and was filled instead with the dull pitch of ash? I wonder if it ever did? I wonder if I should have gone to you, to try and rescue you? I wonder if you would have let me...I wonder if I would have followed you? Did I fail you?

I wonder if you can still hear that great music that made our souls soar in delight? I wonder if you can even remember the melody?

You are in my prayers brother. I miss your heart, and I miss your friendship. It is an unnatural thing, to create a bond of friendship and abandon it...unnatural, and yet the nature of this world. It is the nature of our lives. I pray to see you restored and healthy, to see you know the joy of a whole heart. I pray to see you find peace. I pray to be reunited in that friendship that was a joyful and blessed thing...in this world or the next.

Hail Theophilus (as was). You were my brother and my friend. I would have given my life for you gladly. May the Lord keep you as you go your way...until you turn once more to Him and find the peace you are looking for.