Personal Reflection pt 2.
What follows is more introspection...I figured a break from the standard political/Star Wars fanboy commentary would be a little refreshing. No need to read, no need to not.

Today was my last official class as an undergrad. I still have some work to turn in, still have two exams to finish up next week. But no more classes. 17 years of schooling. I'll walk a week from tomorrow and receive my diploma. In an interesting way, the end of this semester has only made me want more. Not right away (couldn't even if I wanted too) but I do want more in the future.

I remember when I graduated from Faith Academy. I had a very good high school experience--I didn't care about academics, and that freed me up to enjoy other things. I was the first person from Faith Academy to attend the Far East Wrestling tournies all four years. I participated in more plays than anyone in Faith's history either. I enjoyed four years of choir, and my senior year I took it easy, lifting weights, taking photo, drama, pottery and AP English. It was a good time, and when it ended I was scared to death. I didn't even realize it though...instead I basically couldn't eat for nearly the entire first semester in College (sadly...that changed...) I was so at home at Faith Academy that I wasn't ready for what came next--my confidence did not extend to the possibilities that lay ahead--I, in unspoken desires, longed instead for the safety that I had already grown accumstomed too.

Then I came to Biola. I chose the school, when I was in 7th grade and wanted to learn more about music. My interests changed but my choice in school did not. My family would not be near me--they spent my first year of college on home ministry, but by definition were going home and home was on the East Coast. I was here alone...and I was here for a few reasons; one of them the beautiful lady that I was convinced should be my wife; another (though it came up later) was a program that offered education in a way that made the life of the mind worthwhile. I remember really having no idea what to do--just knowing that college was the "next step" and this was where I wanted to be. Expensive? Yes. Life-changing? Unquestionably.

Now, I'm married to that same wonderful woman, we have a son...and we're thousands of dollars in debt :) and now that its taken me a few years to finally figure out what I am here for...I am getting ready to leave. Happily, I feel much less of the fear that I was unable to even articulate at the end of high school. I'm still not entirely sure which direction we're going to be headed--and we're definately not without our share of concerns. But the confidence that I lost so completely five years ago feels as if it is finally returning, at least in some measure.

Last year I sat in on the Senior Dinner, as I was running some of the techincal aspects of the evening. They were the class I was supposed to graduate with (but changing your major going into your Junior year will have the affect of delaying graduation). I was not in my element. Out of place. Lost. Lagging behind in a race that ends when you die...or so it seemed. A year has passed and things have changed. Tonight I am going to my own Senior Dinner. Its a good feeling. It is an accomplishment...its not the end--nor do I want it to be--but it feels as if it is good to celebrate. There is hope in the future--and though the constant cycle of change can be exhausting at times, this is a change that I welcome gladly.